Wheathampstead Cricket Club

Tim Kiek, captain extraordinaire of the mighty Wheato's 2nd XI has been asked to attend a disciplinary hearing this week at SHCL HQ for a possible human rights breach.

The offence, committed as recently as Sunday 25th April during a pre-season friendly is rumoured to have involved highly toxic levels of cheddar cheese.
The cheese in question was blanketed indiscriminately across the tea table leaving no room for other foodstuffs – not even a dodgy pork pie.
The reaction from the oppo began just a few minutes into the tea break, murmurs broke out - “where is the rest of it, why is the cheese in blocks?”, “don’t tell me there’s not even any bread!” were just two examples of the nervous whispers exchanged. This was nothing compared to what was to follow. The Wheato’s team entered the tea-time area. A member of the 1st Team who wishes to remain anonymous describes what happened next, “it was awful, just cheese everywhere, massive, great big, mountains of cheese. Most of us didn’t know what to say, a couple just walked away in disgust. I mean – there wasn’t even any Port! I admit, I got quite angry, a few of us began frantically searching for more food – a salad leaf, a slice of tomato, anything! We upturned tables, smashed windows – all to no avail – we ended up ripping off our shirts and beating our chests. There was nothing but cheese. How could he? How!?” he then broke into tears and had to be led away sobbing into his mother’s arms.
Further texts received (again anonymous) have detailed nightmare ridden sleeps, insomnia and mild forms of phobias developing overnight of anything yellow and/or in blocks.

This clearly brings in a new low for Kiek’s controversial reign as Captain. The wounds from this episode could be permanent. When we look back at this in years to come the emotional scaring suffered by all who witnessed this atrocity will be quite apparent.
The only questions remaining are to find out why Timothy would commit such a horrific crime on innocent bystanders and furthermore not if, but for how long will he be punished.